Did you catch the episode of Ramsay’s Hotel Hell where he was faced with giving up and shutting down a hotel run by completely deluded and incompetent pair of sisters in the US?
I couldn’t believe he persevered, I guess there’s no TV show if he can’t turn it around. But these two sisters were spoilt little princesses, aged 27 and 32! After begging their father to buy this heritage hotel and only 6 weeks from taking over the business, the eldest took a break to 'find herself'; only it went on for 3 months. The other sister stayed on with her mum and dad helping, but didn’t rise till 3 pm each day. Mum and dad had left their house to help out, but were now cooking the girl’s dinner every night like they were primary kids. Needless to say the hotel was in total disarray and the most likely solution was to close and sell it.
The show raised the question of the importance of teaching your kids responsibility. The book of Proverbs in the Bible begins with about 9 chapters where a father is teaching his son discipline, self control and the path that will protect him from harm. It could easily apply to a mother and daughter relationship too. Wisdom, the book reiterates several times, begins with the fear of the LORD. Reverence to God, his order, his moral code and making decisions within that framework leads to a profitable life.
My kids and efforts to raise them are by no means perfect. But sometimes I’m really impressed with my kids. They can get their own breakfast these days, sort their clothes, clean their rooms, help with shopping, cook and really take good care of their pets.
But it doesn’t happen automatically. I realise that this rise to responsibility has to be taught and encouraged. It’s part of ‘disciplining your child’ so they are not a lazy, spoilt princess. It is not loving to dote on them all the way to 55. How will they appreciate anything if they are given hotels to run? Ok extreme example. But would you:
- Buy your kid a phone?
- Buy your kid a car?
- Buy your kid a pet?
All of these take responsibility and kids need to be given the opportunity to grow in learning responsibility. But I reckon they need to ‘earn’ it in stages.
If your child can’t afford to pay for a phone, is it wise to give one to them? Who pays the bill and what does that teach them about responsibility?
What about a car - the money pit of all money pits? Sometimes I wish my parents had not helped me buy a car as it took me ages to pay off and was just one horrible money pit for a bit of adolescent freedom. I needed to be able to learn to budget for paying it off and maintaining it.
“With he who is given much will be expected much" (Jesus, in the gospels somewhere)
If you can’t be trusted with little how can you be trusted with much?
Ramsay’s solution was to give them a goldfish and send them packing. So he got them out of the hotel and let a pro do the job of managing the hotel.
So having kids own a pet is really great for teaching responsibility. The kids will learn that if they don’t feed the pet, it will die. They need to learn how to clean the tank, the kennel, the hutch. Pets should not become a parent job. Once they clear the animal caring test, day in, day out then we can graduate them up to bigger things. Maybe one day they will make a good hotel owner, but it will start with the hard graft of teaching them to take responsibility
What about a 3 year old?
I’d say teach them to pack their toys away. That’s their responsibility from the outset. Otherwise, guess what, you’ll be picking up after them for the next 25 years.
What about a tweenager- who packs the lunches?
Since preschool we've been packing the school lunches. But when do you start backing off? High school I reckon is a great place to start. But watch out, we were going so well until the homework skyrocketed and then we fell back to mummy and daddy doing the lot. But I’m determined to wind it back real soon.
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